Smile Like You Mean It
by katie-elise
Summary: Dean makes fake love confessions when he's drunk. Well, mostly fake. Dean/Cas. And there's a transvestite! Shhh, go with it.


Okay, nice big Author's Note here. If you just want the story, SCROLL ON DOWN. :D

So, I was inspired by a post on tumblr by 'miniwinchester' (originally by drsxc) that I can't figure out how to link to. D: Sad face. Anyway, it was about Dean getting drunk and confessing his love to Cas, and somehow I started with a transvestite? What? (Also, transvestites rock. Seriously). It's my first writing foray into this fandom, so get extcited!

For all you Remus/Sirius shippers out there, despair not (maybe)! For I still LOVE Remus/Sirius. Just haven't written them in, uh, forever. I'm in grad school. (cough*excuses*cough). And I might be willing to write some in the future if the correct plot bunny bites me. I just read some of the lovely comments you all left me, and it made me SO WARM AND FUZZY.

If you're one of my old L/Light shippers...feel free to despair. I'm afraid that ship has sailed. Sorry!

Uh, to anyone else, sorry it's been like, a year and half since I put anything on here. Whoops? Maybe this will start a trend. XD

I DON'T OWN THIS, NOT MAKING MONIES, DON'T SUE ME, YO.

Un-beta-ed, cause it's like 2 am, and I'm tired, and I don't have such a thing as a friend in this fandom. durp. I'm shy even on the internet. FAIL.

Also, WHY DOES THIS START WITH A TRANSVESTITE, I DON'T EVEN CARE, SHE IS FABULOUS, I THINK HER NAME IS EVA.

HERE'S THE STORY!

Smile Like You Mean It

Dean loves transvestites. He loves _this_ transvestite. She (he?) is so tall, and fun, and her hair is curly and red and probably a wig which is just so awesome, just like those purple glitter eyelashes and bright red mouth, currently split into a grin that's directed at Dean.

Dean turns to smile at Sam, who is smiling and laughing and happy, which makes Dean happy, and a motel with a bar attached is obviously The Best Idea Ever.

He swivels his head back to the transvestite, hand clutching his mason jar full of whiskey, and the room spins with him. He fixes a charming smile on his face and pokes her arm. "Hey, hey you".

"Mmhmm, sweet cakes?"

" I love you". Dean smiles because he can't stop, and hell, he loves this transvestite! He loves her shiny purple lacquered nails! He loves this whole damn bar! This whole fucking world!

She laughs, and it makes her sparkly earrings glitter. Dean smiles wider. "Well well well!" she says, "you wanna make that official, handsome?"

Dean's liquor-logged brain _thinks_ he knows what she's implying, and hell, he usually doesn't go for guys, but she's not a guy, well, she is, but she LOOKS like a girl, and if she's a guy then why are her boobs so huge and perfect and bouncy? Dean is inspired. "I love your boobs!"

She laughs, a full throated, head thrown back laugh, and Dean's eyes wander around until they settle on her Adam's apple as it bobs up and down. It turns him on more than it should, which is a fact that somehow manages to get lost somewhere between the fumes of tequila and whiskey that linger in his throat. "Honey, if that's what you came for, you're barkin' up the wrong set of legs"

Sam bursts out laughing, doubling his entire body over until he's literally wheezing.

" I love legs" Dean murmurs, petulant. Then Sam unbends and smiles at him. "Sure you do dude. Sure you do."

"I love you, too, Sam" Dean shouts, loud enough to turn a few heads in the bar, and stumble/falls off his stool to wrap Sammy in a huge slobbery hug. "Love you too, Dean. But I think maybe it's time we headed back".

Dean frowns. "But Sammy…"

"Dean, I think you're finished. You just told a transvestite you love hi-her."

" always tell people I love 'em when I drink tequila" Dean points out sagely, stumbling over a curb (when did he get outside?) and stepping straight in a smoldering cigar. Seriously? Who even smokes those anymore? "I love cigars!"

Sam can't help the snort of laughter that forces its way out. Dean glances across a parking lot. There's a shadow of a guy a few cars down, leaning back and looking like he could kill you with his pinky finger. Hell, with his pinky _toe_. Sam catches the look in Dean's eyes just a second too late, his hand only halfway to slamming itself over Dean's mouth when his idiot brother screams at the top of his lungs, "I LOVE YOU, DUDE!" and promptly collapses into a giggle fit.

Sam stares at him in horror, frozen. Then a movement in the corner of his eye has him swinging around, searching for a gun or a knife, neither of which he has on him. The dude is right on top of them, all scary beard and psycho-killer moustache. Sam swallows. Hard.

Dean, damn him, just lights up his most charming smile at the guy and says softly "love you". The guy leans down, and Sam is about to bodily throw himself in front of Dean in the name of brotherly protection, only just realizing that he's too drunk to move fast enough, and he's going to watch his brother get punched out and maybe killed, oh crap, and then the guy kisses Dean right on the mouth. _Kisses him_, and fucking _pats him on the head_ and then turns and disappears to the dark fucking shadow from whence he came.

Dean makes a face to end all faces and wipes his mouth sloppily with the back of his hand. "I don't love him". Sam isn't sure whether to laugh or cry, so he just coaxes Dean back into a standing position and drags him back to the hotel room, which is a bit of a feat what with it being on the second floor. Drunk Sam doesn't do stairs, drunk Dean even less.

Sam fumbles with the stupid, actual key shaped hotel key for like fifteen minutes (come on, everywhere has key cards now. EVERYWHERE. But, well, this hotel DOES have a bar attached. So. ), before the door magically opens from the inside. Cas stands on the other side, lit up on all sides by cheap hotel room lamps.

"Hello Sam, Dean", he says, nodding at them both in turn. "Hey, Cas", Sam says, relieved to have been saved from fighting with a plywood frickin' door. He doesn't even notice the way Deans grin lights up like the sun.

"Here, help me get Dean into bed", Sam says, and Cas helpfully goes to Dean's other side, swinging Dean's arm up around his shoulders. "Hey", Dean says softly, smiling up at Cas from where his head has somehow lolled onto the angel's shoulder. Cas looks back at him, all seriousness. "Dean, I believe customary greetings have already been exchanged". Dean beams at him like Cas just said he bought a pie shop while they were gone and is going to be employing Dean as the official taste-tester.

Sam shakes his head, looks around Dean to Cas. " I think you can manage it from here. I'm bushed", he says, letting go of his side of Dean, which causes his brother to slump abruptly to the side, prompting Castiel to swing him around so Dean is essentially wrapped in Cas' arms, facing him and smiling way too wide. Sam falls face down on his bed (furthest from the door, _always_ the furthest bed from the door), and he's asleep before he hits the mattress.

And then it's just Dean. Dean and Cas.

Dean looks up from Cas' chest, straight into those serious blue eyes that see straight through him. Cas breathes out, and there's the tiniest shudder in it, just that little bit of emotion showing itself, and Dean's amazed that he noticed it, he should never have noticed something that small, except…

Dean swallows hard, and the smile slips off his face. Shit. He tells everyone he loves them when he's drunk. Girls, guys, demons that sneak into shady strip bars and try to gank him, doesn't matter. Tequila, besides often resulting in the loss of his clothes, makes him say three words he never says sober. Problem is, with all those people, he doesn't _mean _it. Of course, when he tells Sam he loves him he means it, or Bobby, but…they already know that. It's different.

Dean buries his head in the junction of Cas' shoulder and neck, nuzzling in and trying to hide from his own stupid vocal chords. He can feel them straining to just _say it_, and he won't, he won't, he _can't_…Cas isn't just Cas, right now he's Jimmy, too, and the fact that Dean stares at those hands and gets distracted by the elegance of the thin wrists, the strong slim fingers, well, that's bad enough. But Cas is an angel, too, and Dean's pretty damn sure what the Man Upstairs thinks about angels who fall for humans. They don't have a good track record. And just, it's _wrong_. Because a big part of love, for Dean, manifests itself in physicality, and he knows if he starts this, he's going to want _that_. And he can't have it. And he can't do that to Cas, can't let him know, because then the idiot would probably go and do something damn stupid like, oh, falling.

But…well, Dean just drank a metric fuck ton of tequila.

He struggles to lift his head up, only the realizing that Cas has his hand on the back of Dean's neck, rubbing soothing circles there and making soft sush-ing noises. Dean only _then_ realizes that he's….no. No way. Dean Winchester is NOT crying.

To prove it, in fact, he looks up at Cas from about, oh, 2 fucking centimeters away, tries to grin, fails, and settles on desperate, connects with Cas' gaze, and whispers, so softly, "I l-love you, Cas". Despite everything, Dean's still surprised to discover that he means it.

Cas' eyes go wide, and it's obvious he doesn't doubt the veracity of Dean's statement for a single second. Dean has to put it down to mind-reading capabilities, because he refuses to consider the idea that Cas just trusts him that much.

"_Dean_…" he breathes, and Dean can see the love in Cas' eyes, and shit shit shit, he's the worst person ever, he's corrupting an angel.

"No!" he gasps, pressing back, hands against Cas' chest. Then, softer, "no", and damn it, he is NOT CRYING for the second time that night. And it had started so good! Transvestites and everything.

Cas looks confused for all of 3 seconds before his massive angelic brain (no no no, stop thinking about his other massive angelic parts, Dean chides himself) figures it out. His face softens even further, and the love Dean sees there doesn't scare him nearly as much as it should.

It barely even makes him feel guilty, and he hates himself for it.

A long suffering smile appears on Cas' face, and the angel coaxes Dean back to resting his head on Cas' shoulder, safely enfolded in his arms. Dean figures this is acceptable because he's drunk and thus is allowed to give in without too much resistance. And seriously, this emotional bullshit is making him tired. And Cas is cozy.

…fuck.

"Dean", Cas says, pulling him back to reality. "You have to understand something". And here it comes, Dean thinks. This is the part where Cas tells him why all of this is the worst fucking idea ever, and even Dean's not worth that kind of heavenly betrayal, and…

But Cas is talking again, so Dean stops thinking and listens. "God loves love. For God, love is truly above all things. 'So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.'"

And crap in a basket, Cas is seriously quoting scripture at him. Dean tries to force away the niggling hope in his chest. He also tries to force away his growing erection. What? He's drunk! Give a guy a break.

"The greatest of these", Cas continues, " is _love_, Dean. It is even greater than faith in God. It is the end, the most treasured of all things. The utmost service an angel can offer is just this; to love. And, in some cases, to be loved."

Dean raises his head to stare at Cas, and he can't help the way he sways towards him. "But, Jimmy…"

"…has been urging me to do this for some time now", Cas says, and kisses him.

They're kissing. It takes Dean a good few seconds to realize what the fuck is happening, that this is okay, that he can have this, and then he's kissing back with everything he has, sucking at Cas' lips, all unchecked desperation and heat and want, and Cas gives as good as he gets, and Dean can only imagine that's due in part to Jimmy's muscle memory, and well fuck, _that's_ a weird thought to have, so Dean stops thinking.

Cas huffs out short little breaths and gasps, adding a full body shudder and a groan when Dean mouths at his neck, leaving a visible trail of bruises down towards his shoulder. Those hands clutch at Deans back, fisting in his shirt and then flattening out, never quite satisfied with staying still. Dean kisses back up to Cas' mouth and slows it down, a long slow, and hell, _loving_ kiss that burns, and his hands are slipping beneath Cas' coat, under his suit jacket, un-tucking his shirt in quick untidy pulls, and then his hands are exploring Cas' waist band, and Cas is kissing him like he's amazing, like he's terrified Dean will stop. He pulls away from Dean's lips with a small 'pop!', whispers "I love you", hot and low, and Dean says "Praise God", and for once he means it.

A/N: Like? Leave a review! I seriously get discouraged and don't write if I don't get reviews, lol. I'm a needy puppy, and not afraid to admit it. Feed me.

Although actually I do write just for myself sometimes. And I like this. And now I sound whiny. I'M IN GRAD SCHOOL. WHATEVER.

Also, the Bible verse Cas quotes (I always make him quote my fav bible verses...) is from Corinthians, and is AWESOME. FYI.


End file.
